


scientists just wanna have fun

by likeafairytalevillain



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Bickering, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 02:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/921020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeafairytalevillain/pseuds/likeafairytalevillain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and by 'have fun' i mean 'annoy the hell out of each other'. </p>
<p>"Do you want me to dump this Kaiju vomit on your head? Because I will. I will if you don't shut up, Hermann, I swear on my tattooed behind."</p>
            </blockquote>





	scientists just wanna have fun

**Author's Note:**

> newt/hermann hinted at.   
> written for a friend.

"Do you want me to dump this Kaiju vomit on your head?" Newt asked, semi-rhetorically, lifting the heavy tub. His arms began to shake after less than 10 seconds but he only puffed out his chest and made sure it was wobbling in the other scientist's direction. "Because I will. I will if you don't shut up, Hermann, I swear on my tattooed behind."

"That is a preposterous question and an even more preposterous threat, Newton. You would not only kill me, losing THE smartest member of Kaiju Science, to the extreme detriment of the mission, this Shatterdome, and the ENTIRE WORLD I might add, but you would also waste your... supposedly... valuable Kaiju secretions. And a further point, you do not _have_ a tattooed behind to swear upon, your behind is as tattooed as _mine_. No, rather, what I want you to do is keep your--"

Newt, who'd been listening impatiently, or rather, not listening impatiently, while his arms began to weaken, shouted, "INCOMING!" And swung the vat, dumping its contents on the other scientist.

Hermann's eyes popped wide and he flinched backwards, lifting his cane as though that would protect him, his empty hand shielding his face.

He screamed, a short, sharp sound that cut off immediately. Newt's giggles became first audible, and then wild as Hermann blinked, his hair dripping into his eyes. The drenched scientist sputtered, speechless, standing in the middle of a puddle that began to spread its way across the sparkling floors of his side. Newt took one more look at him and collapsed on the floor, directly over their line, clutching at the empty tub, laughing so hard his stomach began to ache.

"Water," Hermann said, after a moment. "You have doused me with water."

Newt began to respond, but broke out into hysterics again the minute he actually looked up at Hermann. A cat caught in the rain could not have looked more shell-shocked and soaked through and absolutely  _bedraggled_ _._

The leap from bewildered to enraged was not a big one for Hermann Gottlieb, unfortunately. "You are a childish, immature, annoying, unprofessional, _CHILDISH_! FIEND!" Hermann shouted, an angry flush rising to his pale cheeks. Then he said something, or a stream of somethings, in German. Newt dismissed this completely. 

"Yeah, yeah," Newt said, breathless from his giggling. "Who was the immature one when you made it seem like all my systems had crashed, for fun, huh? Because let me tell you, it wasn't me. Yeah, actually, I'm just going to answer my own question, like I usually do, it was you. You were the immature one. And are, still, to this day." Laughter still rocking through his entire body like the tremors of a Kaiju's footsteps, he clambered upright, using the tub as support.

Hermann glared at him with a scowl deeper than any Newt had ever seen on a human face before. He hadn't known it was actually possible for lips to turn that far upside down. Of course, that was what his face normally looked like, anyway. Newt had a theory that it might actually kill the man to smile once in awhile, or, at the very least, be severely uncomfortable.

"That was not immaturity, nor was it "for fun", it was a vital test of your abilities. I needed to know where your skills were strongest, and where they were weakest," Hermann began, wringing out the hem of his sweater. He ignored Newt's scoff, with great, lofty dignity, and continued on. "Furthermore, that was quite a long time ago. If you are attempting to excuse yourself on the basis that this was some form of extremely infantile _revenge-_ "

"Two weeks. THAT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO. And I almost had a heart attack, or a stroke, or both, because you wiped THE ENTIRE SYSTEM."

"Psh, exaggeration," said Hermann, wiping his dripping hair back from his forehead. He turned to fetch a towel, knowing of course exactly where they could be found. Because unlike his _buffoon_ of a partner, he had a precisely organized system. And, as his father always said, an organized workspace leads to organized thoughts, leads to an organized mind, and leads to organized _work._ That Newton would never understand this, or agree with it, spoke volumes about the state of _his_ workspace, and his mind. "It was all quite under control until you began trying to "fix" it."

"Which never would've needed to happen if you hadn't messed with it in the first place!  This wasn't revenge, it was VENGEANCE. Well-deserved, and righteous. RIGHTEOUS VENGEANCE!" Newt shouted at Hermann's back. 

"At the time, you were perfectly aware that I would never truly have caused such a malfunction in the system. I believe you knew from the very first moment it was a simulation." "If I had known that, there would've been no reason for me to almost have a stroke! or a heart attack! or BOTH!" Hermann continued over the interruption. "In fact, that was a piece of valuable data I learned from the experience, your fretting was entirely dramatic posturing." Hermann paused thoughtfully. "As so much of your behavior is."

"Dramatic pos-! DRAMATIC POSTURING! _You_ are saying _I'm_ overdramatic! You _know_ I would never actually throw my precious Kaiju vomit on you- it would be a complete waste! A waste of waste! So now you're a little wet, okay, so what? It's just water. AND YET HERE WE ARE- DRAMA!" Newt threw his hands in the air, the last word sarcastically, and loudly, singsong.

Hermann stoically ignored him. Newt looked around for something to hit the pretentious, annoying, uptight, frustrating, did he say annoying already? man with, but found no ammunition heavy enough to satisfy him. 

With a grimace of his own, he grabbed a towel from the shelf next to him and tossed it violently at Hermann's head. 

Hermann snatched it up, barely fazed, and immediately began to dry himself. "Thank you very much for your consideration," he said, with witheringly correct politeness.

"Oh, go count something!" Newt shouted, stomping away. 

"As for what we were discussing prior to your little "prank"-" Hermann began, his voice raised a little louder than it needed to be over Newt's agonized groans. "It seems now you have some mopping up to do, as well as moving those samples to your side of the room."

Newt banged his head against his desk and wished he'd used the _actual_ Kaiju vomit, like he'd threatened. Then, as Hermann droned on, he contemplated the merits of getting another tattoo, yeah, on his butt. If only for the shock on Hermann's face when he finally saw it. 

Plan forming in his head, Newt smiled to himself, stamping down on a gleeful cackle and carefully tuning out Hermann's complaining with images of possible designs.

And, of course, by picturing Hermann's reaction. 

**Author's Note:**

> that's not very nice of you, newton.


End file.
